Often in dating (online and face to face), coming with preconceived ideas about 'what women want', in a negative sense, often shoot themselves in the foot. The two most common complaints I've heard are: 'girls only want hot guys' and 'they're only interested in the photo'. Hmmm... Well, they're not well-founded beliefs. But don't just take my word for it - let's see what psychological studies have found about how women act online.
Psychology has been investigating what women want for many years - and in the case of online dating, it can be done much more effectively. Foire and Donath (2005) focused on what women considered 'attractive' in an online profile. They found that older, more educated men, with higher levels of self-confidence were much more highly rated than simply attractive guys. Clearly, women do not just want hot guys
Further studies by Foire et al. (2008) indicate that it's not just the photograph that makes for an attractive profile. For a profile to be judged as above average in attractiveness, it needed an appealing self-summary along with a photo. So you need both a decent representation of yourself in picture and writing.
But the real secret about what women want in a mate? Honey, it's all relative.
To investigate what people were really looking for (as opposed to what they claimed to be looking for), Hitsch, et al. (2010) followed the choices of thousands of online daters. Then they listed what most women preferred in different categories.
Age: Women prefer men who are their age or up to 9 years older. Young was less preferred, and anything 10+ years younger or older was even less preferred.
Looks: Although men and women alike preferred better-looking partners, men had a significantly stronger preference about looks than women.
Weight: Women had a very different preference regarding weight than men. Women preferred partners with a higher BMI (Body Mass Index) than their own, but disliked men with a lower BMI. However, men have a much stronger preference about weight than women. (And you wonder why we are self-conscious about our weight!)
Height: No preference was shown for absolute heights of potential partners, it was all relative. Women preferred men who were taller than them, and were not interested in men shorter. (So short men, you don't have to despair, you just need to find someone shorter than yourself.)
Income: Unlike height, income preference was on an absolute level, not a relative one. Both men and women preferred a high-income partner over a low-income one, though this preference is stronger in women. The largest increase in being contacted was in the $50k - $75k range, and smaller increases from then on.
Education: Both men and women showed a preference for partners with a similar level of education, regardless of what that level was.
Occupation: This had a strong influence on women's preferences. Using 'student' as a baseline, the study found that the top four occupations were 'Legal/Attorney', then 'Law Enforcement/Fire fighter', then 'Military' and finally the health professions. Obviously it's not just about your pay packet, though a uniform appears to help.
Race: While it might not feel politically correct to say, both men and women tended towards a same-race preference.
Similarity: Finally, in other aspects such as marital status, type of relationship goals, smoking etc., there was a preference for similarity. If the woman was a smoker, she preferred smokers, etc.
Based on this evidence, it is not reliable to say 'all women want...' because a lot of it is relative to their situation. So you first need to work out who your ideal woman is to find out if you might be her ideal man and how to show her this.
Psychology has been investigating what women want for many years - and in the case of online dating, it can be done much more effectively. Foire and Donath (2005) focused on what women considered 'attractive' in an online profile. They found that older, more educated men, with higher levels of self-confidence were much more highly rated than simply attractive guys. Clearly, women do not just want hot guys
Further studies by Foire et al. (2008) indicate that it's not just the photograph that makes for an attractive profile. For a profile to be judged as above average in attractiveness, it needed an appealing self-summary along with a photo. So you need both a decent representation of yourself in picture and writing.
But the real secret about what women want in a mate? Honey, it's all relative.
To investigate what people were really looking for (as opposed to what they claimed to be looking for), Hitsch, et al. (2010) followed the choices of thousands of online daters. Then they listed what most women preferred in different categories.
Age: Women prefer men who are their age or up to 9 years older. Young was less preferred, and anything 10+ years younger or older was even less preferred.
Looks: Although men and women alike preferred better-looking partners, men had a significantly stronger preference about looks than women.
Weight: Women had a very different preference regarding weight than men. Women preferred partners with a higher BMI (Body Mass Index) than their own, but disliked men with a lower BMI. However, men have a much stronger preference about weight than women. (And you wonder why we are self-conscious about our weight!)
Height: No preference was shown for absolute heights of potential partners, it was all relative. Women preferred men who were taller than them, and were not interested in men shorter. (So short men, you don't have to despair, you just need to find someone shorter than yourself.)
Income: Unlike height, income preference was on an absolute level, not a relative one. Both men and women preferred a high-income partner over a low-income one, though this preference is stronger in women. The largest increase in being contacted was in the $50k - $75k range, and smaller increases from then on.
Education: Both men and women showed a preference for partners with a similar level of education, regardless of what that level was.
Occupation: This had a strong influence on women's preferences. Using 'student' as a baseline, the study found that the top four occupations were 'Legal/Attorney', then 'Law Enforcement/Fire fighter', then 'Military' and finally the health professions. Obviously it's not just about your pay packet, though a uniform appears to help.
Race: While it might not feel politically correct to say, both men and women tended towards a same-race preference.
Similarity: Finally, in other aspects such as marital status, type of relationship goals, smoking etc., there was a preference for similarity. If the woman was a smoker, she preferred smokers, etc.
Based on this evidence, it is not reliable to say 'all women want...' because a lot of it is relative to their situation. So you first need to work out who your ideal woman is to find out if you might be her ideal man and how to show her this.
About the Author:
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