Approach anxiety: the enemy of all free men and the enemy of the game. All men have it, but few conquer and tame it. Approach anxiety is a fear, a phobia, something that cannot be eliminated, but with proper handling and some tweaking of your mindset, can be controlled.
There are many theories and dumb treatments to manage approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? 100's and months of cold approaches? Count to three and play question games in your head? Psychotherapy? Voodoo magic ? Come on... There are no simple fixes nor is there any one proven method to handle this enemy of humanity. It is difficult to acknowledge but there is really only one method to conquer approach anxiety. That is to alter your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget everything you previously heard and read. They're all complicated nonsense. Below are the only things you need to understand to manage approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by you.
Gorgeous girls don't make you nervous, you make yourself anxious. Women do not on their own give off some gamma ray that makes you feel sick, dizzy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of phobias and fears creates a negative social frame in your mind that when summed up, makes you jello at the idea of approaching an attractive girl.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your perception of your skill and the challenge of the activity.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone simply is having the perceived level of skill in an activity equal to the perceived level of challenge. When you get this challenge /skill balance, you experience flow /state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and skill results in a different experience. When skill exceeds challenge, you get bored. When challenge exceeds skill, you get anxiety.
3) To overcome your approach anxiety, you need to change your perception of skill or your perception of the challenge.
If your perceived skill level matched the perceived challenge level for seducing a woman, you would be in Flow each time you approached a woman. However if you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is simply because your perceived challenge level is higher than your perceived skill. So it stands to reason that if you want to conquer approach anxiety, you need to change either the perceived difficulty level or your perceived ability level.
4) Attempting to change your ability level to overcome approach anxiety is a flawed method.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You go out and attempt to improve your ability level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed approach to overcome method anxiety since if you depend on other people's responses to alter your perception of your current skill level then it might work one time, two times, or even a few times, but what happens when it does not? What exactly happens when some girl doesn't want to talk with you? Then you're right back at square one again- enormous approach anxiety because you perceive your ability to be less than the perceived difficulty level.
5) To overcome approach anxiety, you need to change the perceived challenge.
The challenge level you face in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're trying to do something that is out of your perceived skill range - like trying to make her attracted to you.
However, if you change your purpose to something achievable, then the perceived difficulty will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an enjoyable chat," then the perceived difficulty will be well within your perceived ability range.
That's all!
All you have to do is change the frame of your mindset from the extremely demanding "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the innocuous "I'm just gonna have a friendly talk with her." This doesn't put any expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection because you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot girl.
You'll never overcome the opening phase if you do not overcome approach anxiety. Without the opening, you can't reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But once again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day long until Sunday but absolutely nothing will happen if you don't go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have lots of friendly, interesting conversations with pretty women...
There are many theories and dumb treatments to manage approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? 100's and months of cold approaches? Count to three and play question games in your head? Psychotherapy? Voodoo magic ? Come on... There are no simple fixes nor is there any one proven method to handle this enemy of humanity. It is difficult to acknowledge but there is really only one method to conquer approach anxiety. That is to alter your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget everything you previously heard and read. They're all complicated nonsense. Below are the only things you need to understand to manage approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by you.
Gorgeous girls don't make you nervous, you make yourself anxious. Women do not on their own give off some gamma ray that makes you feel sick, dizzy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of phobias and fears creates a negative social frame in your mind that when summed up, makes you jello at the idea of approaching an attractive girl.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your perception of your skill and the challenge of the activity.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone simply is having the perceived level of skill in an activity equal to the perceived level of challenge. When you get this challenge /skill balance, you experience flow /state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and skill results in a different experience. When skill exceeds challenge, you get bored. When challenge exceeds skill, you get anxiety.
3) To overcome your approach anxiety, you need to change your perception of skill or your perception of the challenge.
If your perceived skill level matched the perceived challenge level for seducing a woman, you would be in Flow each time you approached a woman. However if you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is simply because your perceived challenge level is higher than your perceived skill. So it stands to reason that if you want to conquer approach anxiety, you need to change either the perceived difficulty level or your perceived ability level.
4) Attempting to change your ability level to overcome approach anxiety is a flawed method.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You go out and attempt to improve your ability level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed approach to overcome method anxiety since if you depend on other people's responses to alter your perception of your current skill level then it might work one time, two times, or even a few times, but what happens when it does not? What exactly happens when some girl doesn't want to talk with you? Then you're right back at square one again- enormous approach anxiety because you perceive your ability to be less than the perceived difficulty level.
5) To overcome approach anxiety, you need to change the perceived challenge.
The challenge level you face in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're trying to do something that is out of your perceived skill range - like trying to make her attracted to you.
However, if you change your purpose to something achievable, then the perceived difficulty will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an enjoyable chat," then the perceived difficulty will be well within your perceived ability range.
That's all!
All you have to do is change the frame of your mindset from the extremely demanding "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the innocuous "I'm just gonna have a friendly talk with her." This doesn't put any expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection because you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot girl.
You'll never overcome the opening phase if you do not overcome approach anxiety. Without the opening, you can't reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But once again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day long until Sunday but absolutely nothing will happen if you don't go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have lots of friendly, interesting conversations with pretty women...
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